Tuesday, October 29, 2013

just another way of looking at it

my dear friends, how sometimes external does not represent the internal. these are some of the stories that i would like to share. just so we learn something from them. after all, one is not going to live forever to experience all the mistakes and need to learn from others.

1. i was not a boy-magnet growing up. so i didn't know that body language, signs and hints if a person has a crush on me. so one day, when a boy kinda like being so nice to me, i thought he was into me. and boy was i so wrong. haha. i actually thought so that i kind of like put him aside as i didn't want to give him any impression that the feelings is mutual. ok wait, it's getting better. it seems like, he was not into me all the time, and he looked at me more as a friend. what happened then? simple, our friendship is damaged. totally my loss and totally my fault. so when the same thing happened to me later on, where this time i was the one being misunderstood, i get it when that person suddenly choose to have some distance. and then, well he came back to his senses. unless if he did something very hurtful, then that's a different case. lesson i learnt from that, when a person is being nice to you, that seriously does not mean he's in love with you. it's call friendship. don't take it seriously when a boy/girl says you look great today or you are smart. it might just mean that they adore your personality at that time. and up until now, i still dont know this love language. this is the only subject that i fail so far. so if you really like me, just say it, and we'll continue the discussion from there. haha

2. when i was working part time at an insurance company, at first, i was really quiet as i didn't know the people very well and so after a couple of months, the real me, the whacky me started to show up and they were actually ok with it. at least, they can accept the real me. but one day, a colleague said something like this, "wow, you're getting mischievous". and i thought, hey, i wanna be someone who, what you see is what you get cause although i'm a good actress, i want people to accept me for who i am. well, i WAS young. and naive. the next job i got was during my internship at a power plant. BIG HELL. i'm a city girl. and at work, i thought people are matured enough and deal with things the adult way but boy i was wrong. again. remember i said i wanna be the kind of person where what you see is what you get? that was what i did. and people there were not as open and their work politics was beyond imagination. you can pretty much say that almost 99.99% of my colleagues alienated me and there were a lot of sarcasm. not the ones that i could tolerate. after the hellish 4 months, i sat down one day, thinking, where did i go wrong as other interns were not treated as bad as i was. and then after i got my own conclusion, i said, if i can survive over there, in god's will i can survive anywhere. and when i did my internship under degree program, thank god, that is what i was hoping for from the previous internship that i fail to get. what did i do at first? back to basic. be nice, be polite and don't be a nutcase on your first day. what i learnt from this experience? know the people well enough to see if they could accept you for who you are. if they are open-minded, then let them see who you really are. if they are not, and if they have nothing nice to say about you, then fuck it. you can't satisfy everyone. but at the same time, appreciate those who take your hand in their friendship. those who accept you in their circle of friends and trust. and i thank god so much for a wonderful experience and meeting nice people during my second internship :)

3. when people say it can't be done or you shouldn't do it, especially if that is your dream, just go ahead and do it. you will never know the truth until you get your ass out ther and TRY. although yoda is a bit more stern, "try not, do you must". there are a lot of examples related to this topic but i'll give this one first. save the rest for later use. when i first got involve in university style debate, it wasn't going smoothly and i was not enjoying a single moment of it. so i decided to quit. after that, i was blacklisted from representing my campus for debate competitions. well actually just one but that was a major tournament and the only one my campus enter until the next internal competition. some who were close to me said, "if they don't want you, then leave. don't waste your time". but i know deep down, i love debate. so i said good bye to ego and try to join again. they were not really inviting at first but since they seem like didn't have a choice, not enough person to form another team, i was chosen. finally. and guess what? i got to meet different people from different background. all are treated like brothers and sisters. and we only met for a few minutes but the bond, my god, it lasts forever. :) and to top it off, i happened to win best speaker representing my campus. lesson to be learnt, when you want something, just go ahead. put your egos far away and definitely just ignore what people say. dont give any rooms for negativity and protect your dreams. if i had follow my ego and what people said and not joining the tournament, knowing now that i could have lost great experience and wonderful people, it will be a huge loss. the first story shows how i lost a friend. this, i can loose more. 

wow this is tiresome. i thought i wanna write 5 stories but i'll have to settle with 3. perhaps next time. the second version. the stories told are not for publicity nor to show how much i need symphaty. hahaha. it's an education. learn from them i hope you would. wow, yoda much ;)

Sunday, January 20, 2013

teachers and wannabes please see

I'm not advising nor trying to offend anyone. I'm just going to tell what experiences I had had with some of the teachers who I thought should have leant before dealing with students. And from there, I hope, there are something that can be avoided or change in the future. Note that I can't remember much if the incidents were decades ago and I'm not going to add anything to make it juicier. 

1. When I was in the kindergarten, we had a show. For my class, it was a dance. So in a dance, one must be very particular about the position they're in. But we were kids, sometimes, we couldn't remember much probably because it wasn't important to us in the beginning or it was just too fast. So I seriously can't remember where I should go and I got mixed up with my friend. But the thing that touched me the most was the teacher asked us both and since I can't really remember and the other one answered confidently, she believed her. I didn't mind cause I can't remember so I take note. But the next time, when I took the position that I was asked to go earlier, again she asked, and again she believed that the other girl was right and I was wrong. And as a child, that was really hurting. 

2. This happened when I was 10, in a primary school. I have a feeling that this teacher had some kind of hatred towards me and trust me, I don't know why cause this is the first time he taught me. What happened was, we had to exchange books with the person sitting next to us and mark the book. I was sitting alone at the back at that time, so I told the two kids in front of me to include me as well in exchanging the books. Being kids, you will always listen to the teacher and they refused cause they said the teacher asked to exchange with only the one next to them. So I ended up marking my own book. After all were done, he was moving across the tables and finally when he reached my desk, he asked me who marked this. I said I did it myself and before I could explain myself, he slapped me twice left and right and pulled my hair which was somewhere near the ears. Normally, we say sideburns. Of course my parents went ballistic because this is not something logical. After that, in another occasion but still in class, he called my name and some other student's name to stand up. I still remember this was in the morning, before the first class started. We stood up and he asked us to bring out our hands and hit it with the long ruler. And he clearly said, "this is just the beginning". I was left wondering and until now I wonder what did I do wrong if I ever thought about it suddenly. Although after 3 years, we make peace, he did make my life a living hell. And yes, that was the first time, my grades dropped. 

3. At the same primary school, Science subject. Not many of us can score Science at that time. Only a few like 3 to 4 students who are able to understand this subject. What I feel unsatisfied until now is that the way these students are being treated. As far as I know, teachers should help the students in need. Give more priority to the students who need extra help. But what happened was after a test, he started to arrange the students' seats at the lab. Based on the grading, he arranged that the students with high marks, sat in front which was closer to him and can pay more attention as he was teaching in front. So you can imagine, the lower the grade, the more back you gotta go. To me, this is making the wise wiser and the slow well maintained. Where was the mentality of this adult, I don't know. 

4. This one sadly happened in higher learning. Where I didn't fully understand a formula and went to see the lecturer to ask for more information because I just didn't get it in class. But when I see her, she said something like I didn't listen carefully, and told me to ask my friends. If that's the case then by all means, don't be a teacher as our friends can be a tutor too. Just give these few people some private lessons at home or home-made tuition centre and let this students become lecturers.

5. This didn't happen to me but in front of me. This teacher is known to like girls more than the boys. What happened was the boys accidentally did something I really can't remember and he called these kids out and punished them. Then after a while, a girl, apparently her favourite, accidentally make the same mistake, and the boys were asking for the same treatment. But he didn't do it but he smiled a little and proceed with the class. But my guess was, his heart was pounding fast. 

These are some of the experience that I remembered and would like the teachers to acknowledge. I'm pretty sure there are many more out there from many different people. What I hope from the teachers include:

  • Don't neglect your students
  • Treat them appropriately especially during the young age
  • Don't be too judgemental
  • Remember why you want to become a teacher
  • Remember the responsibilities you're holding 
  • You're dealing with other people's children
  • You're part of shaping up the children
  • You're part of the kids' memories

Sunday, October 28, 2012


Years ago when I didn't hit double digits yet, the sound outside the house indicated the time to play outside and the darkness of the sky indicated time to get my ass back inside. And I never thought it's gonna be hard for me to see that kind of life now. The kids now are playing games, challenging games and communicating through internet. I am fortunate because during my time, the internet is used to google stuffs for homework or to well to some, to seek the new gossip of the day. I was lucky enough though. I could experience both. And  the best part is, people from my age still doing the same. Though we can go through internet, we still use calling method and hangout outside. We don't even have to be worried to be doing something weird like the ones being reported in media. I don't know, maybe it's because we were exposed to all these at such a young age that we know how to take care of ourselves. I watched a movie about internet bullying and it showed how kids suffered from that. Yeah mentally it is torturing, but back in the days it's either verbal or physical. Double Pain when from verbal leads to physical. I'm not denying the suffering of bullying cause no matter what is the method, bullying is still bullying and it needs to stop. It's amazing that this attitude still alive through generations. 
And the days are moving so fast these time around. Maybe it's because I'm at the place in my life that uses every hour for work. When we were kids, there's nothing much to do. Can't believe I was eager to grow up so much. Well, I was stupid. It ain't pretty before and it surely is not prettier now. Except being surrounded by people that understood me if not well at least a bit. That's much better compared to before when I was called weird. I don't know why. Too amazing perhaps. Yeah I'm blabbering. I don't know I even type this as I'm pretty sure I'm blabbering every single minute I'm typing this. I know in life we can't get everything, but to me, it's a nice gift if the 80's and the 90's durations are 25 years each. I wouldn't say I miss the people I've met during that time, but the surroundings were ok. I would prefer the people I know now back then. Well perhaps they too grew up with the nasty beasts and learned to be better. What ever happened to them who treat people like shit before? I don't know, frankly though I asked the question, I never want to know nor I ever wanna see them ever again. Years ago when I was a girl, I would say I'm gonna be the best and them kiss my feet, but now when I'm a lady, I wanna be the best for me and I never ever wanna see their faces again. 
Yeah I'm blabbering. At least I'm done for now

Saturday, August 11, 2012

To P'e with pleasure

The first time I saw this one, I thought he was a snob, never thought that one day he'll be one of the best buddies I could ever have. At first, in my eyes, he seems choosy and only hangout with the high profile crowd. I'm more of a lone ranger so I really don't think we're gonna click. After some time, we began our friendship but we don't talk that much. Not as much as now. One thing I really learned from him is how to manage something and be a better leader. I have a hard rock heart sometimes that I can be very mean in leading. But this little guy kinda teach me how to be more diplomatic. One will admit that he's kinda cute with that petite size but his mind can run wild not to mention, especially among women. What I would like to say is thank you for being a good friend and well some kind of a teacher along the way. This guy is no joke when it comes to cracking the crowd. He is one of the crazy members in the society given a chance. With riddles like, "What is a park that is created only for kids?" We were like going around all the parks that we knew, and he said it's Parkson while the car we were in was crossing Parkson Mall.When he run, it's the cutest thing. That little legs of his goes faster to catch up with the other guys. He's a camwhore. Can't get away much from the cameras. If no one is snapping his pictures then he'll snap himself. I wonder if he has an album that written on the cover "ME". He may be small but don't underestimate this gangster when it comes to dealing with the higher authorities. He's always prepared with proofs and statements to bring them down. He may look like a meow meow but he has a heart of a lion. Even after his last service in the university's student council, the new ones still seek his help and sometimes I think approval. And again if you see his size, you would never guess. My mom once said that he looks like a primary student. He is young but I guess due to the responsibilities he have for his family, he is more matured than some others that are of his age. And his experiences are a lot that I wish I was active enough to gain some. But I hate the place so much that I try not to be known at all there, hence the lesser the activities I join, the lesser business I have with the school. He always claim he's an artist, the popular kind of artist and nobody really deny that cause deep down we know that's the truth. He can a badass or a sweet little boy boy depending on the situation and the crowd and I think the quantity of girls around. :) 

Bro, there's not much I can do but I really do appreciate everything you've done. Thanks.


Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Back Then...................................

I just know this one is going to be a bit longer than usual. I think. 

Anyway, as it was raining yesterday, like a teacher of mine once said, when the it's raining or snowing, that kind of climate, you will feel kinda gloomy and the atmosphere will take you back to the moments in your life that you miss. Something like that, I can't really quote her as it was a long time ago. So, as it was raining, many thoughts of the 90s came back to mind. I'm an 80s baby but a 90s kiddo hence many of my memories lie in the 90s but fortunately for me, the 80s didn't die when we reached the 90s. There were still many stories and news and many 80s flashbacks at that time.

What I remembered yesterday? Back in the days, early 1990s, a tv station called TV2 (if not mistaken) would put music videos before the next program starts. I still remember Michael Jackson's Billie Jean was one of them. My mom said, look at his feet. No one can do that. And for a while, I'll be watching his feet whenever this music video is on. Well the station will repeat the same songs so that was when I got the chance to observe his feet. Yeah, magical feet. I just love how the video goes. Like when he's invisible and only the lights on the floor acknowledge his movements. The other one that I can still remember is Nirvana's Come As You Are. My God, I always remember how there was a man hanging on the chandelier and a dog with a cone around its neck. That was the first time I see a dog in that condition. And years after that, when I see a cat in the same situation like that, I always thought, I've seen this before. When I look back at the music video, yup, I can assure that it was the video that introduce me to that. That's the only music videos I remember they put on, perhaps there were others but I can't remember. 

Another thing that I remember is the games that we played. Yeah, it's either outside with a bunch of neighbours or video games. I always call it video games but now I know it's called NES games but I only play that when I was in my grandma's house cause it was there. I remember playing super mario. Can't never get pass the higher levels. But i did it 2 years back if not mistaken but through laptop. And I don't care cheating anymore after years of waiting. The other one is circus charlie. The trampoline part. I need to see the walkthrough to really get pass that one. Also years after my childhood years. Islander, a mario like game. Also completed but not back then. I guess part of it cause there were no safe states and it's different playing with keyboard buttons compared to joystick. Super bomber-man. Woohhhh, and I wasn't afraid of the ghosts but rather thought they were cute. There were many more, and when I look at some people's pages showing what the 90s kids do, I was like Hey Guys... I was one of you.. I thought I was the only one until I see all these people's stuffs. And playing outside with the neighbours. It's kinda hard to see that nowadays as these kids will connect with their friends through internet. It's always about the internet. You can download anything from the internet. In my time, we need to go buy the cassettes if we want to listen to the songs over and over again. Sometimes we just missed the songs when they were played on the radio.

Who could've forget the cassette and pencil relationship? My collections of my favourite musicians/songs mostly consist of cassettes except if there's no more cassettes being produced, I'd buy the Cds. I don't mind really as they are worth buying. But I'm not some rich kid so I kinda watch my money too. I absolutely prefer VHS than the DVDs now cause VHS is a badass compared to DVD. They can record the programs that I can't watch them at that moment. Ohhh VHS, how I adore you back then. And I remember being terrified with VCDs cause I just thought how am I gonna record my stuffs after this. The problem went on as the VHS is getting harder to find. The thing is that these old stuffs cost lesser than the new ones. 

And then there was this trend of writing lyrics in a book which turn out to be very precious. If you (my generation) remember, there was also the biodata books where in short, we exchange our phone numbers and addresses in a very creative way to keep in touch. I remember there was once where a while plain t-shirt was passed around to get the classmates signatures. That was when facebook was not around and I think some of us were getting familiar with emails. Back then, you need a modem for PC, if not mistaken laptops weren't around either. I don't know cause if it does, then I wasn't introduce to it yet. Even PC cost about 5k back then. Anyway, the point is, back then we can see the creativity in kids. I always love snail mail. I think that looks like a human letter compared to emails. But I appreciate emails when I grew older as I can see that when we need to connect with people from the other continent. Well, that's logical. Whatever happened to puppy love letters? That was fun, seeing people sometimes doing odd stuffs like keeping the relationship a secret but get very in tense and jealous when the other party make a move. Bottom line, what I'm trying to say is, there are place for everything. And though emails are for fast communications, but for kids, get the creative side out. One thing I still can't accept is the 'Kad Raya'. In those years, they sent the cards with funny creative messages in it. But now, it's all tagging. To me, it just not satisfying enough.

Back then, liquid papers were illegal, so is handphones and if I'm not wrong, magazines, cds. I remember they used to wrapped it like a birthday present to give to the other friend, the cds. Ok, that was during the earlier years of 2000. Everything was being controlled even the colour of hair bands and rubber bands to tie the hair. Kids my days were so creative in hiding illegal stuffs and transporting it. No wonder some of us are such badass. I see my brother now, he was kind of afraid of doing stuffs. He'll say, "We'll get caught". I was like, so. That's not gonna make you get rejected from university. At the end of the day, it's your results that is gonna help you. Results are only thing standing between you and the university and the course that you like. We were good at hiding stuffs back then. Even if you know that someone was bringing something, there's no proof. And for a while, there was a trend where water bottles don't have to be open in normal way. It has this dish-soap kind of opening at the mouth where you can just squeeze the bottle and the water will sort of sprayed in the mouth. I think that trend was just a while. Like the scooter thing. It was just a glance.

Another thing is the late night movies. Sometimes it was not too late but sometimes they are and the awesome ones are. I watched with my dad and sometimes my mom would join in. The movies that I can still remember, Cave of the golden roses-the whole series, Red Sonja, Star Wars-Luke Skywalker era. Can't remember much as it waaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyy back when my parents were not older. Around this time, when Thomas Cup was on, everyone was watching. (figure of speech). But I guess everyone cause that's the only entertainment there when there were only about 3 channels to watch.Well now if you buy the cable, though more 100 channels, sometimes there's nothing to watch. When it rains, just kiss that thing goodbye cause you ain't watching the tele. I recall the year where we were reaching 2000, there were shows like World of Wonders, Beyond 2000, the series that inspired me to be an astronaut and scientist. I don't get the adventure side of me back then, I just thought of searching and exploring about the unknown. After watching National Geographic, I thought of becoming a journalist. I never like reporters. Sometimes the way they report stuffs are very annoying. Not to mention some unethical ones being deceiving. 

#i guess this is long enough for today. is there anything to be added?

Thursday, June 28, 2012

You're idea of I'm sorry can go to Hell

This is the most ridiculous idea and misconception of the word "sorry" I have ever experienced. This is one of the strong words that people use to acknowledge something. The word sorry seems to be misused by some. I know and I understand that sometimes if it's not your fault and yet to save a relationship you will say you're sorry, but it looks like some have got the wrong impression. What I understand from that phrase is that, if for some lame reasons we fought, if for no reasons we fought, if there's actually a solution to the problems and clashes that we have but we didn't see it then and we kept fighting for nothing until it comes to realizations that actually this can be solved, then if a party says sorry, we go back to fresh start. But if that party that keeps making problems keeps saying sorry over and over again, where's the value of the word sorry? The word sorry is not used to solve the problem rather it's being use as an escape. Imagine this, if a person constantly mocking you and insult you then s/he says sorry, repeat it again the next month, also says sorry, repeat it again some other time with the same sorry. When is it going to change? That's the misconception of the sentence "I'm Sorry". Or you can take another example, like a killer, killing your baby, says sorry, in a few months time kill somebody else baby, says sorry, then go on and on with the routine, what the hell is that? The damage has been done. And to top it all off, that person who says sorry doesn't mean it at all, s/he still thinks that's right. That's what coming from someone who is shallow and have misconception of the word sorry. The word sorry is used to solve a problem and try not create it again, not as an escape word just to save a relationship. The relationship is already damage when we don't respect it. What's the point of having a relationship with someone that's going to hurt you and hurt you again and escape with the word sorry? If that's the case, then I'm cleansed of sins. Just by saying the word, I could go around and hurt everyone, say that word and everything will go back to normal. That's the bullshit that someone i used to know is practicing. What a dumbass. These people are not making things better with sorry, they're just escaping from the real problem. At first, I thought they understand the phrase but when it hits me, I see that they understand it in their point of view. In some cases, the word SORRY can't really save your ass. What you've done have damage everything. Ever heard another phrase, think before you act? This phrase is to tell you that the word sorry can't be your savior. Things that you've done and can't be taken back. So much for saying Sorry right? 

Monday, April 9, 2012

Kill the busybody in you

There are just some things that you don't ask. You don't have to ask nor you need to ask. But due to curiosity or bad intentions, those questions are asked anyways. Give some people a break. They did nothing wrong that could affect you. Those people might have secrets they intend to keep secret or ain't wanna share with anyone. So much for not judging but what's that? Ain't that sort of judging? Come on, man. Stop with the nonsense. Stop creating troubles and problems when the ones existing are still unsolved. What's wrong with the people? Can't they leave the others alone? Unless what they are doing is causing disaster towards other human, why bother? Why hurt others when you don't want to get hurt in first place? Why destroy other people's dignity when you yourself hope that yours would never even be scratch?

Don't be a murderer. Don't be a sinner. Don't be the person responsible for someone's mental problem. People destroy people. I know cause I've seen, I've felt. You know how you can contribute to kindness? Well, be kind. And gentle. If not, though your intentions are good, but you're not doing good. You just mess the whole thing again. Or even worst. I think everyone heard of you don't know how it feels till it hits you right on the forehead. And honestly, you may not want to experience what the other party had gone through. Perhaps God never let you go through that in the first place is because you can't handle it. So don't laugh at other people's bad luck. Don't bring down those who are trying to rise back up again. Don't be an ass. Be a human. A kind human with loads of love to give.